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Contemporary Poetry Archive

*July 2000*

once unleashed but quickly hidden
feelings for another still there
pain and sorrow hidden also
time passing by healing the wounds
but not enough
feelings come rushing back to haunt me
to much this time to hide
this time I let you know what happened
and this time I sat back and cried
all those beautiful gushing feelings
that once brought me joy
a smile on my face when hearing your name
those same old feelings
are the reason you're soo speechless
the reason the topic quickly changed
my best friend
the source of those feelings
and those feelings
the source of heartbreak
once again
~Jennifer Clair

Wallowing in sadness
Swimming in the depths of dispair
If someone is out there
I just can't tell
Routine discussions
Just aren't enough
when life is it's hardest
why is mine so rough?
People are laughing
People are smiling
Just not here
~Jennifer Clair

Surrounded in Darkness
Reaching out
Screaming in Fear
No Confidence
Absolutely Alone
Tears sliding down a soft cheek
Pain too great for one heart alone
~Jennifer Clair


Losing what you love the most
Grasping it to your bossom
Fear glowing in the dripping pools on a soft face
Sobs of pain and rejection ooze from the quivering lips
An uncontrollable force pulls it from the clinging arms
Soft sobs turn to screeches of pain and heartache
Gone it is and you are left alone
~Jennifer Clair

So you call me a star
Shinning infinitely
On the world
On the cloudy nights
that fill the present
Someday those clouds will clear
And the light will shine again.
~Jennifer Clair

You try and you try
But you just can't shake me
Try harder and harder
And you still can't break me
I'm here, still here
You're gonna have to get used to it
I'm still here
I'll haunt your dreams and make them nightmares
You can't shake me
You said forever
But is forever over already
That's right close your eyes
Hope I disapear
But when you close them
The vision's even stronger
My voice is even louder
I'm here, still here
I'll haunt your dreams and make them nightmares
You can't evict me
You wanted me forever
I'm yours forever....
Forever more.
~Jennifer Clair

Woke up on the wrong side
Tried changing to the right side
Ran out the door, late again
Since you've been gone
Can't sleep at night
Can't wake in the morning light
I'm too tired
Is 20 too young to retire?
Everything I do is wrong
And it hasn't been so long
Since the last thing I did went right
Too bad that was losing you
~Jennifer Clair

staring up at the stars tonight
can't help but think of you
you are out there somewhere
staring up at the same stars
that fill my room with light
reach out my hand
longing to touch a star
to reach across the sky
and grab your hand
let you know I'm thinking of you too
tears swell in eyes you've never seen
knowing you may never see them causes pain
the one person in the world
meant to know me more than any other
meant to know the softness of my skin
the echo of my voice
keep shining I tell the stars
I know as long as they do
I'll still be looking at them
and thinking of you
I hope you do too
some day I'll find you
some time in the future
and when that day comes
I'll smile and you'll smile
and the elysium will last forever...
~Jennifer Clair

Why, Why must you keep
Destroying my waking
Destroying my sleeping
I'm never safe
From your constant ridicule
Always yelling, screaming
Your face an enormous mouth
Vomitting out complaints and objections
You're never happy
With anything you have ever had
You're always pretending to care
The falseness dripping from your pores like sweat
I just hope you know
That all this is going to hurt you more in the end
I'm living my life
Whether you like it or not
~Jennifer Clair

Closing my eyes
Shutting out the light
More than light is shut out
The day is not here
Kept outside of mind
If it is not seen
It is not there
How it has always been
Now there is more
More than seeing is knowing
A whisper, a word, spoken
That one word
Could possibly mean
~Jennifer Clair

A light
One light
Constant, glowing
Shimmering, shining
Billions of light years away
One Light forever there
No matter where
One star, two eyes
Meet each night
One long gaze
Romance, Dreams, the Future
All are there.
~Jennifer Clair

A lifetime of loneliness
20 years seems so long
fears of the lifetime lasting
wanting to end it all right now
surrounded by everything
and noticing nothing
surrounded by everyone
and knowing no one
fears of death and pain
are the only things
that keep the life living
darkness, pitch black and thick
breathing is impossible
suddenly out of nowhere
a speck, tiny but still there
kept the mind interested
in just what it might be
the speck grows to a spot
the spot is the opposite of it's surroundings
it is light
life seems livable at this moment
slowly still the light grows
closer and closer
the acting stops
the curtain is closed
the audience applauds
but none of that matters to her
because the light has changed the play
the show that was her life
that one light was the hero
kept the play from ending in a tragedy
maybe that play will get rave reviews
cause just when she thought it was all figured out
the plot twists
a beautiful happy twist
the reason she is alive
~Jennifer Clair

An evening, cool and crisp
a symphony of night's nature plays
just for two
two hands clasped
two arms around
so safe, so warm
two mouths each with two soft lips
two eyes
beautiful and glowing
eyelids softly closing
and once again opening
reflecting in the eyes
the majestic stars
so beautiful and regal
so at home in those eyes
a night so gentle
a night so pure
true beauty is found in simplest of spots
~Jennifer Clair

Silence is sometimes too silent
Hearing nothing is what you dread
Why is something like silence so deadly
and at other times so pure and sweet?
The silence I have is the silence I don't want
The dead silence of not knowing
A silence that screams of fear and loss
And longing for silence with someone else
~Jennifer Clair

Why is it that 21 seems like forever
21 years I've lived
I'm old, ancient, decrepit
Or so I feel
Looking at others
This long time I've lived
Seems like a small spec of time
Struggling to make it
Seems impossible in the world I live in
Every day is a struggle
Internally fighting with the worries
The stresses, anxieties
Will I be ok?
Will I grow up to be like her?
Cause if I do I don't know if I can take it
Can someone make it stop!!!!!!
~Jennifer Clair

Is it over-rated?
I wouldn't know
But who decided that I'm not allowed to figure that out for myself?
Just once
I would like to find happiness that lasts
longer than a second, a stitch of time
Maybe someday.
~Jennifer Clair

Laying across cotton sheets
A tear stained pillow next to a red face
Unanswered questions hanging in the air
Only one thing comes from those quivering lips
Amid sobs it is heard
Why was this tossed in to my overcomplicated life?
Haven't you seen me hurt enough?
Why must you tease me so?
Why am I always...

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